Posts Tagged ‘mindfulness’
Successfully Coping With Adversity
In today’s day and age, who hasn’t been affected by adversity of some sort? It is the rare yet fortunate person who lives life unaffected by any pain or suffering. Living life means we take chances and place our trust and faith in other people and society. This trust in others can be betrayed while some of the chances we take don’t work out the way we hoped or wanted. This is why we suffer from adversity.
I reviewed various dictionaries for the definition of adversity and found “misfortune” and “a difficult or unpleasant situation”. I feel that it’s important for us to keep in mind that some adversity happens to us, while some adversity may be caused by us. Nonetheless, I firmly believe that it is not the adversity which defines us, rather, it’s our way of dealing with the adversity which is most important. The question is not “how do I avoid adversity?” The question is “How best can I cope with my adversity?” We can’t escape adversity, but how we respond to the adversity will determine whether or not we are happy and at peace, or miserable and in turmoil.
The first step in learning to cope is in learning to change our perspective. Our perspective about ourselves and the world around us is our reality. I will spare us a philosophical discussion on reality, except to say that reality is based on our perception of our world. Think about it: if I don’t feel positive about myself, then my view of my world will not be positive. How can it be? If I’m miserable I won’t appreciate the positive and beautiful aspects of our world.
When adversity enters our world, our perceptions of the adversity, our world, our family, and oneself will determine how we cope with the adversity. It’s important for us to recognize our perceptions and work on changing our negative views and thoughts. I’m not saying we are to deny or avoid the negatives in life; they are real and a part of who we are. What I am saying is that dwelling on the positives in life will influence our perceptions. A favorite quote of mine is “there are no problems, only solutions.” (John Lennon) I agree with the sentiment. If we focus on “solution-thought” there are no problems only the solutions; that on which we focus our attention is our reality.
I encourage you to spend time each day practicing changing your thoughts to focus on the positive and on solutions. Don’t deny the negative, but re-think the situation.
The next step in coping with adversity is in training our thoughts to focus on the positives in life. As previously mentioned, our perception is our reality, and our reality influences our thoughts (and vice versa). So, changing our thoughts will change our reality and our feelings. We don’t ignore or hide the negatives in life, but what is it that becomes our main focus; the negatives or the positives? In the latter, we still acknowledge the negative, but we focus on what we can do, on the solutions needed; not on what we can’t do or change.
As we reflect on life we notice that most days there are positives and negatives at the same time. We become anxious or overwhelmed as we focus on future problems or negatives because we can’t control the future. The same is true for our regrets of the past. We can’t control our past so we feel anxious about the past. Focusing our thoughts on the future and on the past cause our adversity to feel more intense since we are focusing our energies on negatives and things we can’t control.
So, focusing our energies on the positives, and on the present moment, will help us to to feel less intense about our adversity. The key, as I see it, is control. That which I have control over won’t bother me nearly as much as that which I don’t have control over.
The next step in coping with adversity is in understanding that we are not victims of the adversity. Victimhood, the feeling that my life is out of my control, causes us to fall into a sense of helplessness. If you convince yourself that “the world is out to get me”, or that the situation is forced upon you, you then convince yourself there is nothing you can do about it.
Once you feel out of control with no options for action, the adversity takes over. But this does not need to happen! This is the reason I have been talking about changing perspective and changing our focus to the positives. Here’s the key in one easy phrase WE HAVE CONTROL OVER OUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS!
When you agree to that statement, that you have control over your thoughts and feelings, then you admit that you have control! Since you have control you are no longer helpless nor a victim! We may, in reality, have no control over situations we find ourselves in, but we do have control, always, in how we respond to situations. How I perceive the situation and what action I take influences how healthy I am coping.
We can’t avoid adversity, don’t make that your goal. The goal is in how well I can keep control of my thoughts and feelings. Before adversity happens, practice this. Take time daily to refocus your thoughts to the positives and to solutions. The more often you do this the easier the task becomes. And when adversity happens, do the same thing; refocus your thoughts on positives and solutions. As I quoted earlier “there are no problems, only solutions”.
I admit that this is not always an easy task, and yes, we will fail at it from time to time. Be easy on yourself when you do. Then get up, refocus on the positives, and find solutions which will help the situation. Remember, we can’t always change the situation itself, but you can always change how we respond to the situation.
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NEW Book “The Journey To Inner Peace Starts Here”
Since the founding of Lifesjourney as a blog, I have continuously been focused on guiding us (myself included) toward finding inner peace. Finally, the moment has come that I can offer all of you a book. This book “The Journey To Inner Peace Starts Here” is a short reflection on the first steps needed to begin the journey on finding happiness and inner peace. The next books in this series will delve deeper into specifics such as meditating, finding and believing in hope, and overcoming adversity. Becoming less stressed and happy is possible, I know, and this book shows you how.
As I write in the introduction: “Thе раth tо innеr реасе iѕ nоt ѕimрlе оr ѕhоrt. Yоu саnnоt just wаkе uр one dау аnd dесidе уоu аrе gоing tо hаvе innеr реасе frоm thаt роint fоrwаrd. It iѕ a рrосеѕѕ, a jоurnеу thаt nееdѕ tо bе аррrесiаtеd еvеrу ѕtер оf thе wау. Yоu nееd tо bе willing to lеt gо and ассерt уоur full ѕресtrum оf еmоtiоnѕ. Yоu need to be rеаdу tо ѕtер оutѕidе thе bоx уоu hаvе аllоwеd уоurѕеlf tо bе рut intо аnd ѕtаrt frоm scratch, getting tо knоw уоurѕеlf all оvеr again аnd bе willing tо mаkе miѕtаkеѕ. And most imроrtаntlу, уоu hаvе tо realize thаt оnlу уоu hаvе соntrоl оvеr уоur еmоtiоnаl rеѕроnѕеѕ аnd rеасtiоnѕ аnd thеу саn bе сhаngеd for thе bеttеr.”
You can find this book on Amazon (click here) and all major book sellers. Please leave a review on the book site, and leave your comments there or here. I am interested in what topics you wish me to write about in this series, so feel free to share with us. As a life coach I am focused on guiding us to to accomplishing our goals and finding our peace.
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The Five Mindfulness Trainings For A Peace Filled Life
A few years ago, while travelling through South Carolina, I was touring an old barn when I noticed, above me in the ceiling, a large bird was frantically trying to escape the barn. The bird continued to fly into the closed window in its frantic desire to escape the barn. Attempt after attempt, nothing changed for the bird. It flew towards the closed window, smashed into the window, and once again flew into the closed window. Presumably unbeknownst to this anxious bird, the barn doors, one on each end of the barn, were wide open! Had the frantic bird simply stopped a moment to observe its surroundings, it would have noticed a very easy escape into the freedom of the outside sky. Yet, the bird was so focused on the task in front of it that it failed to see any alternate options.
I mention this story as I recalled it a couple days ago while at my house. I happened upon a butterfly, who, in similar manner to the bird I described above, was frantically flying against a screen on my porch in an attempt to escape the enclosure. Also, similarly to the story above, immediately behind the butterfly was the open door. Yet, as in the story of the bird, the butterfly also did not pause to observe its surroundings. Instead, the butterfly continued flying into the screen (as a side note, I did help the butterfly to escape).
I empathize with both the bird and the butterfly for I too have found myself “banging my head” against that fictitious window or screen in an attempt to either change my life’s course or to escape some emotion which I was not willing to face. It has taken decades for me to begin to learn of the benefits of living in the moment and simply be.
In my writings and public speaking I talk often of mindfulness. This is a state of active, open attention on the present. Carefully observing your thoughts and feelings without judging them good or bad. Mindfulness means living in the moment, aware of your current experience, rather than dwelling on the past or anticipating the future. As I reflect on the bird and butterfly I realize that I am not much different from them in that I tend to allow my emotions and crisis moments to take control of my focus. Yet, in my focused awareness (mindfulness), I’m able to see solutions; to see hope.
My journey from a life of harried busyness and much stress, to a life of mindful reflection and life coaching, did not come easily. I began to slowly, over time, realize that banging my head on closed window or a screen was getting me nothing but a headache. It took strength to to stop myself long enough to desire to look around at my world. Once I stopped and looked around, I noticed options and solutions in my life.
The insightful and wise Vietnamese monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, in his book “The Art of Mindfulness”, reflects on what he calls the “Five Mindfulness Trainings”. These “trainings” are intended to guide us to be mindful of ourselves, our pain, and the world around us. Many of us, myself included, purposefully use electronic devices, reading materials, and sometimes even exercise, as a means of distracting ourselves from our reality. As with the bird and the butterfly, not stopping to notice our world does not give the freedom for which we seek.
Here are the “Five Mindfulness Trainings” from Thich Nhat Hanh:
- Compassion
- Generosity
- True love
- Deep listening
- Cultivating good health
When we do our best to accomplish these five trainings, we have set up our thoughts and actions to be mindful, in a state of active, open attention on the present. These trainings are not meant solely for others, that is, not that we only give to others our compassion, generosity, love, listening, and health; but that we give these to ourselves as well.
In mindful awareness we need to be compassionate with ourselves, generous to ourselves, loving oneself, listening to our mind and our body, and give ourselves good health. In taking care of ourselves in this way will we achieve a deep and true inner peace.
Aware of the plight of both the bird and the butterfly as told in the beginning of this article, I encourage all of us not to continually bang our heads in frustration, but in freedom, to learn to live mindfully.
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Taking Time For Me Is Important And Possible
Taking care of oneself is key to finding inner peace, yet most of us don’t take the time to care for ourselves. Why is this? Most of us would probably respond that we don’t have the time, or that we feel selfish if we were to do things for yourself. Many of us put others’ needs ahead of our own, which is noble, but who is caring for you? If you are the one caring for others, who is the one caring for you?
Why is self care so important? What if I were to tell you that the “answer” to finding happiness and inner peace is spending time daily in self-care? It’s true, and that’s why self care is so important. We all have valid demands for our time, but the reasons we use to not care for ourselves are also excuses.
If we are being brutally honest with ourselves we would admit that we make time for what is valuable to us. Honestly, many of us simply don’t value self-care as much as we say we do. I talk about the importance of attending the gym, but I don’t attend since I “dont have the time.” But, take today for example, I could have woke up a bit earlier, moved some appointments around, done some of what I did this morning last night instead, etc. The reality is, the gym, although I know it’s important, is not of value to me at this time.
I’m proposing that we get creative with our daily schedule so that we can fit in self care. How do we do this?
- Evaluate what is valuable to you.
- Review your daily schedule in light of step 1 above.
- Redo your daily schedule to “create” the time for yourself.
- Tell another person of your plan so that you have support and encouragement.
- Do this every day.
Now that self care is of value and we have found a space for it on our daily schedule, let’s talk concretely about what we can do with our new-found time. Many of my clients share that even if they had the time for self care, they wouldn’t know what to do with that time. Sound familiar?
Since we convince ourselves that we don’t have the time for self care, many of us don’t think about what we would do if we did have the time. As you consider what you can do for self care, think small. You don’t have to do something big as anything you do toward self care will work.
Here are some of the things that I do for self care:
- I take a 10 or 20 minute “power” nap most afternoons to recharge and to slow down.
- I read a few pages from a fiction or nonfiction book, or a spiritual publication to gain insight.
- I take a meditative and mindful walk whether I’m at home in the fields and woods, or travelling in a major city.
- I make the time to meditate. If I don’t have the ability to sit in quiet, I will use the moments I do have, such while driving or walking.
- Finding hobbies which I enjoy and that stimulate me, and which have nothing to do with my everyday profession (the later statement is most important).
I know of many people, myself included, who follow these steps but then feel guilty for taking the time for themselves. We need to re-frame that guilt feeling and change our perspective on the importance of self care. When you truly value the importance of self care, the feeling of guilt will go away. Since you now believe in the necessity of self care, there is no reason for guilt. I learned the importance and the value of self care on a flight out west.
Prior to take off, the flight attendants give their safety briefing; how to fasten the seat belt, how the seat transforms into a flotation device suitable for the ocean, and what to do if you lose cabin pressure. I, like most frequent travellers, tune out the briefing. But, on this flight, for no particular reason, the instructions on using the face mask was significant to me. The flight attendant stated something to the effect that if you are travelling with small children, first secure your mask before assisting your child. No way!! How am I supposed to be ok with giving myself life saving oxygen while my child struggles to breathe? Not happening!
But then I had an aha moment. If the masks drop from the ceiling most of the passengers, especially the children, will be upset. It may be a struggle to secure their mask in the frenzy of the moment, and the odds of getting it right the first time is slim as I’m sure I too would be scared and anxious. In the time that it takes to struggle with the child’s mask, what if I pass out? If I pass out prior to securing their mask, then we both are in trouble! I’m no assistance to my child. But, if I secure my mask first it won’t matter how long it takes to help my child since I’m now capable of breathing.
This safety briefing changed my perception on the importance of self care. If I am not capable of providing help, then no one gets help. Taking care of myself allows me the strength and insight to not only learn more deeply about myself, but also the ability to help others.
Self care is necessary, and the key, to finding my inner peace. The more I learn about myself the more capable I am of coming to terms with myself. This union of self is the inner peace we seek.
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Time May Change But Live in the Moment
Many of us in the United States turned back the hands of time early this morning. We have ended the period of Daylight Savings Time and are now on “normal”, called “standard” time. Our ability to change time prompts a few questions for me, some mundane and some a bit more philosophical. But, to stay grounded I will refrain, for this post, from discussing the abstract philosophical notions of time. Rather, I would like to reflect on this day in two specific ways, namely, how do we take advantage of our “extra hour”, and, how do we turn back the hands of time in our own lives.
I am certain many of us have had life experiences for which we have wished we could turn back time to change the events. There are times that we wish we could have back to cherish again, to say something different, do something different, or to have never had happen in the first place. But, regardless of our ability to change clocks, we do not yet have the ability to go back in time. Hence our personal feelings of resentment, disappointment, anger, sorrow, etc. But, all is not lost. Even though we cannot go back in time to change the event, we still have the ability to change our current feelings about the event. In our reflection about past events, what can we learn from them? What steps can we take to avoid a future repeat? Do we have the opportunity to “make peace” with those from our past? If so, what is stopping us? We aren’t able to change the event, but we can change the present moment. How do I take advantage of the time I now have?
So, what do I do with the extra hour I am given? Do I use it wisely? Here are some thoughts for what we can do with our “extra” hour:
- Sleep. Rest is vital for a healthy mind, soul and body.
- Spend the hour in reflection on your past and what you plan to do with your future. Use the time for reflective journaling.
- Write to a friend or family member whom you have not recently contacted.
- Pray; read scripture.
- Do something you typically don’t have time to do. Take a walk, observe nature, read a book.
- Spend quality time with those whom you love.
I pray your extra hour is a positive one for you along your life’s journey.
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5 Tips on How Mindfulness Will Change Your Life
“Hey, did you see that?”
“No, I missed it. What was it?”
Does this conversation sound familiar? It sure does to me. My days were so busy and hectic that I had no time to care to notice something other than the task hand. At the end of each day I wondered where the day went! I had always lived that way, until recently.
A few years ago I changed jobs to one which allowed me to have the summer off. After 20 years of working year round, having a few months off was strange, and even unsettling. After a week without I had no idea what to do with myself. I was ”forced” to slow down. It wasn’t comfortable at first, but over time I started to discover that I was physically, mentally, and spiritually slowing down. As I was slowing down I found myself feeling more peaceful. As the summer progressed I no longer was anxious, I didn’t rush, and I began to notice the world around me.
I wasn’t yet consciously aware of this, but I was beginning to live mindfully. As I slowed myself I focused my thoughts and attention to the present moment. No longer was I dwelling on my past nor anxious about the future. Wow! What a change for me as previously I was the king of anxiety and worry!
Mindfulness is commonly defined as: “a means of paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.” (Jon Kabat-Zinn) Personally, the two key phrases in this definition which I feel are important are “on purpose” and “nonjudgmentally”. To find our inner-peace we need to consciously make the choice to spend time every day focusing our attention on what is happening around us and within us. Our focus is not meant to judge what is happening, just to notice it, to experience it. As we become aware of our surroundings and inner self, we become aware of life’s joys and potential. In this state of focused awareness, we are enabled to see solutions; to see hope.
The goal of mindfulness is for us to slow down enough to fully experience life. Mindfulness is not a means to avoid negative aspects of life, but to fully live those experiences to learn how to cope with them in a healthy way. Many of us try to avoid negativity, yet discover that we may be successful at avoidance for a time, yet once again we are hit with that which we were avoiding. Mindfulness asks us to be aware of all of our emotions, to feel everything, even the negativity. In so doing, we end up coping with what we at first wanted to avoid. Coping teaches us skills for dealing with future negativity in our lives.
Living mindfully is a daily practice of noticing the little things. For example, one can eat mindfully by doing so intentionally, savoring each bite, and not rushing through a meal without truly tasting the food. During your commute, or rushing from one task to another, one can mindfully (intentionally) notice the details of the flora, buildings, people, cracks in the sidewalk, etc.
How does mindfulness lead us to feeling peaceful? The short answer: mindfulness guides us to live in the moment, for it is only in the moment where we have “control” in our lives. By control, I mean our ability to change our thoughts and perceptions. If I allow my thoughts to stay in either the past or the future, I will suffer from stress and anxiety since I have no control over those time periods. All that I can do with the past is to learn lessons; in the future, all I can do is prepare, in the moment, for the unknown which has yet to happen. Therefore, keeping my thoughts focused on the present moment allows me to feel life to its fullest, while choosing the thoughts I wish to think.
A bit over 5 years later I now find myself living in a sense of peace. Does this mean that my life is now perfect? Not at all! What it does mean is that through mindfulness I learned a new set of coping skills. This is what I’ve learned since that summer:
- Spend time each day in meditation, whether it be in stillness or walking. Just 10-20 minutes a day will calm and center you.
- Each time my thoughts venture to either the past or the future, I consciously change my thoughts to the present moment.
- Spend time noticing the little things in life. Observe your surroundings, your feelings and your thoughts.
- If you notice that you don’t like how you feel, our you are not feeling at peace, change your perspective and redo numbers 1-3 above.
- Always believe in hope, even if you don’t feel hopeful at the moment. Hope and change is possible even without my belief in it.
Inner-peace is attainable if we take the time to focus our thoughts on the present moment. It takes practice; I’m still working on it. But if you have the desire to incorporate mindfulness into your daily practice, follow this maxim: “Progress, not perfection.” (Eds. Note: This article was originally published at Your Tango. Reprinted with permission from the author.)
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autumn: learning from change
Fall scene in MA (credit: Blog author)
Way back in the 1980’s I took this photo while I lived in a small town in western Massachusetts. Most people I know tend to get excited, perk up, prepare for, and are encouraged as Spring moves into Summer. Not that I don’t like Summer, but for me, I do the same preparations for the beginning of Autumn. I must say, Autumn is by far my most favorite season (with Winter a close second). And now here we are, the first day of Autumn (officially starting at 10:21 am EDT)!
As far back as I can remember I have enjoyed Autumn. Growing up in the northern reaches of the US I am used to the colder seasons, probably part of the reason for my enjoyment of Autumn. Of all the seasons I find this one to be especially focused on family and God. During this season there are holidays, gatherings and the beginning of school. Halloween and Thanksgiving are near with Christmas not too far away. The cooler weather draws us closer together as we huddle indoors, and as we do so I hope we recognize the presence of God in our lives and those of our loved-ones.
For many, this is a season of desolation with the greenery dying off and the days shorter. But, as we look around we can see much color, hear the sounds of the leaves beneath our feet, and smell the cornucopia of scents invading our nostrils. This may be a time of decay, but in the transition of the season we are given a most wonderful and beautiful gift; the gift of change. It is, hopefully, a gift to inspire us. For me, I see beauty before I see the decay and desolation. There is also a beauty in the recognition that after this time of desolation will come another season of rebirth and new growth. This season is not the end, but only the beginning. This season represents change, and in the process of change we feel the pain before the joy. We may now be experiencing a decay and desolation, but it is all a part of the circle of life, for the trees will reproduce their leaves and the fallen leaves will provide fertilizer enabling the new growth of plants in the Spring. This is a season of preparation, yet in this time of preparation there is also its own beauty.
Change is never easy, and as I have blogged about in the past (click here to find previous posts) it is necessary to remember that change, although different, doesn’t have to be negative. The process may be painful, but if we focus on the result we see that for which we long. As we see the leaves fall we are assured there will be Spring followed by Summer. The cycle of life; mirroring the cycles of our lives.
Here are a few suggestions I have come up with to help in this time of transition:
- Recall the memories of this past Summer. Cherish your experiences from the past season.
- Acknowledge, don’t try to hide, the past with its pleasures, hurts, and expectations.
- Spend a few moments in quiet prayer being thankful for all we have and asking for guidance and strength to make it through this new season.
- Anticipate the future in this new season. Prepare for what you can control; plan for what you can’t (see previous blog posts on this topic).
- Experience this season of Autumn through the eyes of a child – you will be surprised at the insights.
In all things, try to cherish the moment at hand.
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coping with anxiety; a personal story
Ed note: I am pleased to present this post from guest blogger Ms. Amanda LePore.
I have anxiety. It runs in my family, so I should have expected it (thanks a lot, genes!). Growing up, I felt that I wasn’t completely “normal.” (insert all the jokes about me being an “awkward weirdo” here) I mean, don’t get me wrong, I had a great childhood with a loving family, great friends, etc., but I noticed that I would act a bit differently than my friends. I was a “goody-two-shoes,” but to the point where I would cry and it would be a huge deal when someone was mad at me or I got in trouble. In hindsight, I had a lot of guilt over things that now I realize weren’t that big of a deal. One memory is from 2nd grade when I told my friend that a lunch lady was fat and having that friend go and tattle on me… then I needing help getting my shoes tied and the only person available was the one I had insulted. I felt like such an awful person (this was one of the things I confessed at my first Holy Communion… Yeah, like I said, didn’t get in trouble often).
I was also a bit of a perfectionist, especially when it came to school. I would cry when I came home with a bad grade. I was a pretty sensitive child, I guess. But the thing is… I wasn’t forced to be a certain way. My parents expected me to try my best and work hard, but I wasn’t punished when I got a low score on a test or assignment. I was just encouraged to improve however possible.
Once adulthood hit, the feelings started getting harder to handle. I was quick to have a temper, I had little to no patience, I was pretty emotional and on top of all that, I was starting to have physical panic attacks; shakiness, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, etc. It was then I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I tried various medications, which either made me feel numb to the world or just did nothing for me. I went to therapy for a few sessions, which I feel did not personally help because I already would blab about my problems to anyone that would listen. But the anxiety was starting to affect the relationships in my life, so I had to figure out something.
Early in 2014 I was going on my first trip abroad (first time on a plane, too) to London on a college trip for 10 days. I loved this trip but there was one major thing about the trip I would’ve changed; that I wasted hundreds of dollars because I had a massive panic attack before seeing a show on West End with my friends. What was the reason for my panic attack? To this day I don’t know exactly what set it off. The caffeine from my Starbucks drink? The temperature of the theatre making me feel sick? The feeling of suffering alone while my friends were all in the show? I’m not sure. All I know is that I had to go to the first aid station and explain to the guy working there that I was losing feeling in my pinkies and I thought I was going to pass out and vomit at the same time. He explained that there were no diseases or conditions that would be causing that and that it must be an anxiety attack. I had never had one before in my life! I was brought to a VIP section where I had my own private bathroom and couch set-up, but I wasn’t able to watch the show. It was embarrassing and upsetting. I felt so terrible, both physically and mentally.
That was one of the moments that forced me to get my anxiety under control. I chose to make lifestyle changes. I started running and trying to eat better, yet I still had almost daily nausea and just a terrible feeling all the time. I got a blood test that came back completely normal. I knew there was nothing else wrong; it was truly my anxiety wreaking all this havoc on my body and mind. I decided to try a different kind of medication, Prozac. I am now on the lowest dosage and I honestly feel that it’s working well. I rarely feel sick and I’m learning how to cope and handle my anxiety in a healthy way. Honestly, I’m sad I didn’t find this medication sooner and I am pretty grateful for having it now.
I do not have shame for having anxiety. Everyone has something they have to work through with themselves. Just because it may be “in your head” doesn’t mean it’s not real. This is my personal story with anxiety. Everyone is different. Do not give up! Sometimes the needed change requires a mix of lifestyle changes, medication and/or therapy.
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The author of this post is Ms. Amanda LePore, the “voice” of Lifesjourney Life Coaching and On Finding Peace podcast. She is a 23-year-old actress, model, voiceover artist and radio host. She was born and raised on Long Island, NY, relocating to the Southern Maryland area in 2006. She holds a bachelor’s degree in theatre with minors in film, media studies, dance, and English. Check out her blog page at astheamandaturns.wordpress.com and website at www.msamandalepore.com. Her business email is msamandalepore@gmail.com.
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Rest Stop (Fri) … freedom & hope is possible: here’s how
I’m writing this article while sitting at home on the 4th of July. Unfortunately, this summer holiday is being rained out in my part of the world. The cool temps, clouds, and rain make today feel more like autumn than mid-summer. So, while sitting here, I am thinking about freedom and how freedom applies to my life and not just a country. Do I have freedom? Am I truly free? Yes, we all have the potential to be free! Let’s find out how.
Have you ever thought of how minuscule our place is in the universe? I do. Try it now for a moment. In reference to the vastness of the millions of galaxies, and the large size of our planet, focusing now on my exact location, where do I really fit in? Am I just a cog in the gears of the universe, or do I have freedom?
A few weeks ago I attended a symposium focused on the current heroin epidemic in the US. The conference room was filled with professionals from multiple agencies, each focused on finding solutions to stop people from dying from opioids. As an addiction counselor myself I have worked with many people in their attempt to find freedom from their addictions. A person’s circumstances, life choices, views on life, and ability to obtain drugs all play a role in a person’s addiction. No one whom I’ve ever met aspires to becoming an addict, yet there are too many people who have lost their freedom to a drug. The ability for a person to move beyond one’s addiction into the freedom of recovery is, in my opinion, based on one important understanding; my ability to choose my attitude about myself and my life. Freedom is lost when we lose our perspective on life and allow others’ perspectives about us to take root and grow in our thoughts.
Not long ago, while I was out on a walk along the side of a road, I noticed a caterpillar also out on a walk along the same road. While watching the caterpillar I couldn’t help to think that his perspective on the world and where he fits in this vast universe is so much different from mine. Even though we both were only a mile or so from my house, would the caterpillar ever know that the world extends that far? I’m certain that he is oblivious to the actual size of our planet as his perspective, like our own, limits his world. There was a time when we humans didn’t even realize the vast size of our planet. How alike are we to the caterpillar?
As I further reflect on my caterpillar friend, I would like to think that his life’s perspective is simpler than mine. More than likely he stays focused on the present moment, hopeful and trusting that his instincts will properly guide him to safety and food. His sense of the present, without fear for the future, enables him to be free. When was the last time I was able to consciously focus on the present moment long enough to trust my instincts to guide me? There’s a lot I (we) can learn from this caterpillar.
Fr. Anthony de Mello, SJ, tells a story which I feel is appropriate to my reflections on the caterpillar:
“What would I do then?”
“Then you could really enjoy life.”
“What do you think I am doing right now?’”
Freedom comes from our perspective on life. As with the person struggling from addiction, when I allow my worldview to be dictated by another, I am no longer free. But like this story of the fisherman, and my caterpillar friend, focused perspective on the present moment combined with an understanding of where I fit in the scope of the universe, allows me to live in freedom; a freedom which comes from within, not a freedom dependant from society, culture, or other people.
One of my favorite H. G. Wells’ book is entitled “When the Sleeper Wakes” written in 1898. The premise of Wells’ story is a variation on the Rip Van-Winkle tale of a person falling asleep for a long time, eventually awakening to a world very different from the one he left when he fell asleep. In Wells’ telling, this futuristic world, on the outside, appears to be a utopia. Yet, as the main character learns more about how this new world is organized he realizes that the working class, through their mundane and tedious work, sustains the “utopian” society. In this world there is no chance or even availability for upward advancement.
I believe that true inner freedom fosters a sense of hope and imagination. Who among us does not have dreams for their life’s journey? Wells, in this story, portrays a world devoid of personal hopes or dreams. By removing a person’s ability to advance, what is the point of either hopes or dreams? Dreams give us hope since we know that dreams have, and do, come true. My faith and life experiences allow me to hope and dream as my ability to hope comes from an inner freedom born of a perspective focused on the moment infused with the understanding of my purpose in the universe. I don’t hope and dream because it’s something I’m supposed to do; rather, I hope and dream because I can. Freedom is in knowing and accepting where I am in the grand scheme of things; choosing my attitude about it, at any given moment, is my freedom.
As I continued my walk, leaving my caterpillar friend to his journey, I wondered how I could find my inner freedom. Here are my thoughts:
- How can I change my perspective to realize that even though there is always more to the world out there of which I am not yet aware, the world I do know is filled with potential, adventures and new friends, if only I take the time to notice them.
- What can I do different so that I can experience a life full of hope and dreams toward which I can strive?
- What am I allowing to stand in the road blocking me from inner peace?
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Rest Stop (Tues) … Tips for sleeping soundly
Based on my experience, there are two main reasons we have trouble sleeping: either because you are excited about something upcoming, or you are anxious about something upcoming. I can still vividly remember that night before we as a family were leaving for Washington, DC for the first time. I was a child then, and the thought of travelling all the way to where the president lives was almost overwhelming for me. I tossed and turned in bed; walked around my room, looked out my window into the dark, and before I knew it, I looked out my window to see the sun rising above the horizon. I finally fell asleep in the car during the over 8 hour drive to DC.
Personally, I suffered for many years on Sunday nights trying to get some sleep. I dreaded Sunday nights because as soon as I would lie down in bed for the night the worries and stress of the upcoming week flooded into my thoughts. I had not yet found the peace of living mindfully, and so I allowed the thoughts of the future to take over, believing the worst of what could happen come Monday morning at work. Note that I wasn’t worried about what was going to happen, but what I imagined would happen. These thoughts brought with them a sense of a loss of control as they are future thoughts, not present thoughts. Therefore, I would be tossing and turning, worrying about what had to be done, what I didn’t do, what I forgot to do; but most importantly, what I didn’t know I didn’t know.
In the last few years, as I’ve been working on living mindfully and in the present, I have learned some things which have helped me to no longer dread Sunday nights. I don’t have a nighttime ritual so to speak, but I have figured out a few things that have helped me to sleep peacefully, especially Sunday night.
Here are the tips I use:
- Prior to going to bed, make a list of the projects and tasks you need to do the next day. Make sure the list is no longer than 4 items and that each item is doable in the course of the day.
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Make a separate list of the things you will not have time to do the next day. Next to each item place a date when you will work on them.
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Write down a specific time during the next day when you will spend at least 10 minutes in quiet reflection/meditation. It could be a time for a walk or sitting in quiet. The time needs to be undisturbed and respected by you as important and necessary.
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When you do lay down to sleep, keep your room quiet and as dark as possible. Using white noise (there are many free and paid apps, message me for the ones I use) is helpful. Keeping the TV on or your phone’s screen on inhibit our ability to sleep soundly.
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Lay down in a comfortable position, take a deep breath, clear your mind, and focus on your breathing. Don’t try to control your breathing, just focus on your breathing. Note the breaths you take in, and the breaths you exhale.
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If intrusive thoughts enter your mind, remind yourself of your lists, telling yourself that you have taken care of tomorrow and that your present task is to sleep.
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Return your thoughts to focus on your breathing.
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Personally, when I lay in bed to sleep for the night, I start off by laying on my back with my left hand placed gently over my heart, and my right hand placed gently over my stomach, feeling my breaths and heartbeats.
These tips work for me. Take time to find what works for you, and when you find it, stick with it. Over time, with consistency, you will find yourself sleeping quickly and soundly.
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