Archive for April 2018
How To Live An Awesome Stress And Anxiety Free Life Without Worry
Stress and anxiety are felt by us all. We can live a stress-free life and this article explains how.
“I am capable of thinking … yet I am not my thoughts; I am the thinker of my thoughts; therefore I can change what I feel and still be me”. -Terence Gorski
Each of us are responsible for our thoughts. Just as we create our thoughts, so also do we create our emotions and behaviors. Stress and anxiety are effected by our thoughts and behaviors. Our everyday stress can be eliminated once we believe that we can control our thoughts, therefore controlling our stress response.
When asking the question, “Who am I?”, we discover that a part of the answer lies within our thoughts, emotions, and actions. I often write and speak on this topic since the cause of anxiety and stress originates within ourselves, namely, within our thoughts.
Bonus: Chris Shea is offering this free GIFT explaining how you can improve your life with life coaching! Click here to get it
We tend to feel stress and anxiety over situations in which we believe we possess a lack of control. The opposite being true; if I believe that I have control over a situation my stress and anxiety will be lessened. In my work experience I have witnessed clients remain in an unhealthy situation, even when there are healthy alternatives, because their fear of the unknown stops them from making a change. The unknown can be a source of fear for in the unknown we have no control. A lack of control leads to increased anxiety, therefore, someone may remain in an unhealthy situation since they at least “know” that situation and so assume they have control over it.
We need to keep our thoughts focused on the present moment, for it is only in the present that we have the control to make changes. Focusing our thoughts on the past may cause anxiety and a stress response as we can’t control or change our past; we can only learn lessons from our past. Focusing our thoughts on the future may cause stress and anxiety as we can’t control what has not as yet happened. To maintain a stress free life we need to keep our thoughts focused on the present moment.
This is one of the reasons an examination of our thoughts, and the importance in believing that I have control over my thoughts, is vital to healthy living in a stress-free and lowered anxiety state.
As I see it, there is a difference between stress and anxiety. Stress can be eliminated from our life, while anxiety, to varying degrees, will always be with us. I teach that stress, being subjective to the perception of a person, is a person’s emotional (and at times physical) response to life situations. Hans Selye, a scientist, in 1936 defined stress as “the non-specific response of the body to any demand for change”. Notice the word “change” in the definition. Change, an unknown factor and therefore something out of my control, causes a stress response. Stress, as I see it, is our subjective response to a perceived lack of control. Since it is our response, and we are in control of our responses (behaviors and actions), we can eliminate our stress by changing our response (belief and action) to the situation.
Anxiety, on the other hand, is a pervasive sense of worry or unease, typically about the future. Whereas stress is our response to current situations in life, anxiety is an unease within ourselves regarding future events and outcomes. Stress tends to come and go given our situations at the moment; anxiety persists, to varying degrees, within us. Since anxiety is a response to unknown future events, anxiety (assuming one is not diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder) leads us to take action. This action, in the form of preparing for the future, empowers us to tackle the unknown by taking control of things we actually have control over.
Anxiety is a component of our survival mechanism known as “fight or flight”. Anxiety is therefore a response in ourselves activated to help us survive by taking action! We will either physically or emotionally flee from, or stay to fight, whatever we perceive as a threat to our survival. This differs from stress which is our subjective response to a situation. Granted, mild stress may cause us to take action, but stress, as an emotion, is fickle as it comes and goes. Anxiety, mild most of the time, stays with us, vigilant in its mission of keeping us safe.
This is why, when I teach my clients about stress and anxiety, I teach them how to rid themselves of their stress, while reducing their anxiety. The goal for inner peace is not to eliminate our anxiety, the goal is in the actions we take to cope with our anxiety and everyday stress.
As I mentioned earlier, we can eliminate our stress by changing our response (belief and action) to the situation. How do we change our response? By changing our perception. The way we view the world is our perception, and our perception becomes our reality. This quote is quite powerful in its ability to succinctly explain the whole of what I’m trying to explain:
“We do not see the world as it is; we see the world as we are.” -Talmud
In other words, my perception of the world is directly related to my perception of self. Therefore, if I change my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, as well as my view of myself, I will change how I see the world! This is why it’s important to reflect on our thoughts, believe that we can control those thoughts, and focus on eliminating stress.
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}
Can I Control My Future Plans? Yes You Can
Can I control my future plans? Yes you can when you change perspective.
Have you ever felt anxious about future plans or situations? I have, and I’m fairly sure most of you have, too. The anxiety we feel is caused because of the unknown. Future plans are full of unknown variables, and each of those variables will increase my anxiety if I focus on them. Focusing my energy on something I don’t know or can’t control is anxiety producing.
The solution seems obvious; either try to control what is out of your control, or stop focusing on what you can’t control. As easy as the solution seems, the practice of the solution is not so easy. It’s possible to reduce our anxiety about future plans to lead a fulfilling life, but it takes persistence and a willingness to make some changes in your thoughts.
Bonus: Chris Shea is offering this free GIFT explaining how you can improve your life with life coaching! Click here to get it
The first change we need to make to have a better future is our perception. Why perception? Because our perception is our reality. For example, if I perceive my relationship as broken, regardless of the feelings of my partner, in my reality it’s broken. My thoughts and feelings will lead me to act as if the relationship is broken. Assuming the relationship is not broken, I need to change my perception of the relationship so as to change my thoughts and actions about the relationship. When I change my perception I change how I think and feel. My emotions and my actions are in my control. When I believe that I have control over myself, and I make changes which are healthy, then my anxiety drops as I am now in control of my life, not out of control.
In this new perspective on life I start to see the world with some of that original wonder in which I used to see the world. I see a world with beauty. The biggest change is that now I’m looking more at the positive aspects of the world rather than from a jaded perspective. Yes, it is as easy as flipping from looking at the negatives to looking at the positives. I will now live a more fulfilling life in a better future.
Recently I had a client who was feeling a bit down and depressed because he was focusing on all that he had given up when he chose to stop drinking alcohol. The persistent thoughts of what was now gone placed him in this slump. If he flips his perspective he will realize all that he has gained as a result of no longer drinking to the point of getting drunk, missing work, all of which caused tension in the family. What he has gained is a renewed sense of self, an empowerment, a better family life, and a greater feeling of peace. Yes, he gave up something (alcohol), but he has gained much more than he has lost. The perspective shift is in his “choosing not to do” something versus his “giving up” something. Some will argue that this is merely a play on word usage. Maybe, but words are powerful and meaningful. Changing the words we use when we talk about ourself makes a world of difference on our outlook and perception.
Some of us choose not to change our perspective as we feel the issue is not mine but someone else’s. Blaming others or outside forces for how I feel takes away my control, giving that control to the other person or outside force. It’s all about empowerment. If I’m going to sit back and complain that nothing in life changes, or “I never catch a break”, my response is “what are you doing about it?” That’s the empowerment. Today, many groups and individuals are seeking and advocating for empowerment and choice. That’s exactly what I’m talking about! If you sit back and wait for something to happen you’re not empowered or in control of your life. Wake up one morning and empower yourself by saying “I’m going to think different; I’m going to look at life different.” This is the beginning of action and action is our power. Take action by controlling your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Now you are empowered and in control of yourself and your future plans.
Once you choose to take control of your life and change your perspective, you’re set to take the next step in dealing with the anxiety of that future plan or situation. One method that I teach my clients is making a two column list. Label the left column “what I can’t control” and label the right column “what I can control”. Now, examine the situation.
On the left column list all of the components of the future plans that you have completely no control over. On the right column list those components that you do have control over. When you’re done with your lists, examine the list of the things that I can’t control and consciously forget about them. Since we can’t control them or their outcome, there is no reason or need to focus on them. Our continued focus on these components will only increase your anxiety as there is nothing you can do about them. So stop focusing on that list. Rather, let’s talk about our focus on the other list, the list of things we can control. This list will enable us to live the fulfilling life of peace we desire.
We can’t simply forget about the first list as that leaves a void, and a void needs to be filled. What we fill that void with is the control we have over the right side column list. Filling the void by taking action on what I have control over will decrease anxiety since we are doing something about the future plans. Taking positive action to make a difference in our future provides us the comfort and security of a sense of control.
So now we start planning out what I will do to make a difference in those areas in which I have control. By taking action I’m affecting the outcome of a situation that I first thought was out of my control. I need to actively take control over what I have the ability to control. As a result I am now feeling empowered when I see the changes that I’m making. When I see change it encourages me to make more change which reinforces that I have the ability to make changes in future plans and situations.
When I talk about finding inner peace I’m talking about being in sync with my thoughts and feelings based on my values and morals. When my mind and heart are in sync, then I’m at peace regardless of what happens around or to me. I could feel a gamut of emotions, but while I feel those emotions, as long as I’m in sync with myself, I’ll still feel at peace with a perspective of a better future.
When negative situations happen in life, determining what I can and can’t control empowers me to take action on those things under my control. As long as those actions are in sync with my thoughts, feelings, values, and morals, then I remain in peace regardless of life’s situations or future plans.
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}