coping with anxiety; a personal story

Ed note: I am pleased to present this post from guest blogger Ms. Amanda LePore.


I have anxiety. It runs in my family, so I should have expected it (thanks a lot, genes!). Growing up, I felt that I wasn’t completely “normal.” (insert all the jokes about me being an “awkward weirdo” here) I mean, don’t get me wrong, I had a great childhood with a loving family, great friends, etc., but I noticed that I would act a bit differently than my friends. I was a “goody-two-shoes,” but to the point where I would cry and it would be a huge deal when someone was mad at me or I got in trouble. In hindsight, I had a lot of guilt over things that now I realize weren’t that big of a deal. One memory  is from 2nd grade when I told my friend that a lunch lady was fat and having that friend go and tattle on me… then I needing help getting my shoes tied and the only person available was the one I had insulted. I felt like such an awful person (this was one of the things I confessed at my first Holy Communion… Yeah, like I said, didn’t get in trouble often).

I was also a bit of a perfectionist, especially when it came to school. I would cry when I came home with a bad grade. I was a pretty sensitive child, I guess. But the thing is… I wasn’t forced to be a certain way. My parents expected me to try my best and work hard, but I wasn’t punished when I got a low score on a test or assignment. I was just encouraged to improve however possible.

Once adulthood hit, the feelings started getting harder to handle. I was quick to have a temper, I had little to no patience, I was pretty emotional and on top of all that, I was starting to have physical panic attacks; shakiness, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, etc. It was then I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I tried various medications, which either made me feel numb to the world or just did nothing for me. I went to therapy for a few sessions, which I feel did not personally help because I already would blab about my problems to anyone that would listen. But the anxiety was starting to affect the relationships in my life, so I had to figure out something.

Early in 2014 I was going on my first trip abroad (first time on a plane, too) to London on a college trip for 10 days. I loved this trip but there was one major thing about the trip I would’ve changed; that I wasted hundreds of dollars because I had a massive panic attack before seeing a show on West End with my friends. What was the reason for my panic attack? To this day I don’t know exactly what set it off. The caffeine from my Starbucks drink? The temperature of the theatre making me feel sick? The feeling of suffering alone while my friends were all in the show? I’m not sure. All I know is that I had to go to the first aid station and explain to the guy working there that I was losing feeling in my pinkies and I thought I was going to pass out and vomit at the same time. He explained that there were no diseases or conditions that would be causing that and that it must be an anxiety attack. I had never had one before in my life! I was brought to a VIP section where I had my own private bathroom and couch set-up, but I wasn’t able to watch the show. It was embarrassing and upsetting. I felt so terrible, both physically and mentally.

That was one of the moments that forced me to get my anxiety under control. I chose to make lifestyle changes. I started running and trying to eat better, yet I still had almost daily nausea and just a terrible feeling all the time. I got a blood test that came back completely normal. I knew there was nothing else wrong; it was truly my anxiety wreaking all this havoc on my body and mind. I decided to try a different kind of medication, Prozac. I am now on the lowest dosage and I honestly feel that it’s working well. I rarely feel sick and I’m learning how to cope and handle my  anxiety in a healthy way. Honestly, I’m sad I didn’t find this medication sooner and I am pretty grateful for having it now.

I do not have shame for having anxiety. Everyone has something they have to work through with themselves. Just because it may be “in your head” doesn’t mean it’s not real. This is my personal story with anxiety. Everyone is different. Do not give up! Sometimes the needed change requires a mix of lifestyle changes, medication and/or therapy.

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The author of this post is Ms. Amanda LePore, the “voice” of Lifesjourney Life Coaching and On Finding Peace podcast. She is a 23-year-old actress, model, voiceover artist and radio host. She was born and raised on Long Island, NY, relocating to the Southern Maryland area in 2006. She holds a bachelor’s degree in theatre with minors in film, media studies, dance, and English. Check out her blog page at astheamandaturns.wordpress.com and website at www.msamandalepore.com. Her business email is msamandalepore@gmail.com.

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Rest Stop (Tues) … Tips for sleeping soundly

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Based on my experience, there are two main reasons we have trouble sleeping: either because you are excited about something upcoming, or you are anxious about something upcoming. I can still vividly remember that night before we as a family were leaving for Washington, DC for the first time. I was a child then, and the thought of travelling all the way to where the president lives was almost overwhelming for me. I tossed and turned in bed; walked around my room, looked out my window into the dark, and before I knew it, I looked out my window to see the sun rising above the horizon. I finally fell asleep in the car during the over 8 hour drive to DC.

Personally, I suffered for many years on Sunday nights trying to get some sleep. I dreaded Sunday nights because as soon as I would lie down in bed for the night the worries and stress of the upcoming week flooded into my thoughts. I had not yet found the peace of living mindfully, and so I allowed the thoughts of the future to take over, believing the worst of what could happen come Monday morning at work. Note that I wasn’t worried about what was going to happen, but what I imagined would happen. These thoughts brought with them a sense of a loss of control as they are future thoughts, not present thoughts. Therefore, I would be tossing and turning, worrying about what had to be done, what I didn’t do, what I forgot to do; but most importantly, what I didn’t know I didn’t know.

In the last few years, as I’ve been working on living mindfully and in the present, I have learned some things which have helped me to no longer dread Sunday nights. I don’t have a nighttime ritual so to speak, but I have figured out a few things that have helped me to sleep peacefully, especially Sunday night.

Here are the tips I use:

  1. Prior to going to bed, make a list of the projects and tasks you need to do the next day. Make sure the list is no longer than 4 items and that each item is doable in the course of the day.
  2. Make a separate list of the things you will not have time to do the next day. Next to each item place a date when you will work on them.

  3. Write down a specific time during the next day when you will spend at least 10 minutes in quiet reflection/meditation. It could be a time for a walk or sitting in quiet. The time needs to be undisturbed and respected by you as important and necessary.

  4. When you do lay down to sleep, keep your room quiet and as dark as possible. Using white noise (there are many free and paid apps, message me for the ones I use) is helpful. Keeping the TV on or your phone’s screen on inhibit our ability to sleep soundly.

  5. Lay down in a comfortable position, take a deep breath, clear your mind, and focus on your breathing. Don’t try to control your breathing, just focus on your breathing. Note the breaths you take in, and the breaths you exhale.

  6. If intrusive thoughts enter your mind, remind yourself of your lists, telling yourself that you have taken care of tomorrow and that your present task is to sleep.

  7. Return your thoughts to focus on your breathing.

  8. Personally, when I lay in bed to sleep for the night, I start off by laying on my back with my left hand placed gently over my heart, and my right hand placed gently over my stomach, feeling my breaths and heartbeats.

These tips work for me. Take time to find what works for you, and when you find it, stick with it. Over time, with consistency, you will find yourself sleeping quickly and soundly.

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Rest Stop (Sunday) … an example of living mindfulness

I often talk about mindful living, yet I recognize the difficulty in fully understanding not only what it means, but also how it “looks”. When I first saw this video on social media I immediately said to myself “this is what mindfulness is all about!”

After watching this video reflect back on your experience, noticing your thoughts at time (past, present, or future), and recall your emotions while watching the video. Although not created for this purpose, this video draws us to focus on the present and stay there. Living in the present moment is the point of mindfulness and mindful meditation. [facebook url=”https://www.facebook.com/1731212513792521/videos/1741001856146920/” /]

Share with us your experience.

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Rest Stop (Sunday) … coping with the time change

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Last night, many of us in the United States turned the hands of time ahead one hour as we are entering the period identified as Daylight Savings Time.  Our ability to change time prompts a few questions for me, some mundane and some a bit more philosophical.  But, to stay grounded I will refrain, for this post, from discussing the abstract philosophical notions of time.  Rather, I would like to reflect on this day in two specific ways, namely, how do we take advantage of our “extra hour” of daylight, and, what does time mean in our own lives.

I am certain many of us have had life experiences for which we have wished we could either turn back time or move time forward to change particular life events.  There are times that we wish we could have back to cherish again, to say something different, do something different, or to have never had happen in the first place.  But, regardless of our ability to change clocks, we do not yet have the ability to go back in time.  Therefore we struggle with our personal feelings of resentment, disappointment, anger, sorrow, etc.

But, all is not lost.  Even though we cannot go back in time to change the event, we still can change our current feelings about the event.  In our reflection about past events, what can we learn from them?  What steps can we take to avoid a future repeat?  Do we have the opportunity to “make peace” with those from our past?  If so, do it now.  We aren’t able to change the event from the past, but we can change our response and thoughts now, in the present moment.  We do not live in the past nor should we dwell there. But the past provides us tools for us to learn and to grow in the present moment. Wisely use the tools your past provides you. What you do today becomes your past tomorrow.

So, what do I do with the time I have been given? Here are some of my thoughts:

  • Sleep.  Rest is vital for a healthy mind, soul and body.
  • Spend an hour in reflection on your past to use as a guide as you plan your future.
  • Use the time for reflective journaling.
  • Write to a friend or family member whom you have not recently contacted.
  • Do something you typically don’t have time to do, like taking a walk, observing nature, reading a book.
  • Spend quality time with the people closest to you.

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Rest Stop (Leap Day) … 5 tips to make it unique

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Today is a day which only comes around every 4 years! Today, “Leap Day”, exists to correct the scientific calculations of our current western calendar. But, I’m not writing about the scientific reasons for this day. Instead, I imagine great possibilities that this extra day provides us.

I tend to look at this day as a gift given us to be used wisely. I figure that a day which only comes around every 4 years deserves to be treated in a unique and special way. This day is not like any other day, although I fear most people don’t recognize the uniqueness of this day. Why is it that a day which happens only once every 4 years becomes overlooked by most of the population? Personally, I don’t have an answer to that question. But the answer is not as important if we now come to the realization that we have been given a unique gift in this day.

So, we need to celebrate this day in a special way! This is extra time given to us in our very busy lives. What shall we do with this gift?

  1. My first suggestion is to acknowledge the specialness of this day, understanding that today is a gift given to you.
  2. Make a list of the top five things for which you are grateful. Set aside a specified time today to acknowledge your gratitude.
  3. What one thing do you typically not have time to do? Write down the time that you will do that one thing today. If your one thing cannot be accomplished today, then begin to work on preparations to make that one thing happen soon. Use today as your extra time for those preparations.
  4. If you don’t regularly meditate,  set aside a time today for at least 10 minutes of quiet meditation. If you are unsure how to meditate, either do an internet search, or check out my website which has suggestions.
  5. Do something special for yourself which you normally either would not do, or do not typically have the time to do.

If you happen to see and read this post too late in the day, or not even on the day, don’t fret. These suggestions work on any day as long as you have the motivation and the desire to make them happen. Please share with us what you were able to do, or if you had any difficulties in making this day special. We will learn from each other.

Happy Leap Day!

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Rest Stop (Thursday) … mindfulness meditation works

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As many of us spend much of our time rushing around, we don’t seem to have the time for meditation. I often write and speak about the importance of daily meditation, understanding that there are more of us who want to meditate than actually do meditate. Good intentions; I know, I’ve been there.

One of the rationales I hear from busy people is “I would take time to meditate if I knew it would help me, but it’s just a fad, right?” If your definition of a “fad” allows for the practice of meditation lasting thousands of years, than yeah, it’s a fad. I believe that our culture sees meditation as a “fad” because it is “new” to our culture, and the practice of meditating has been relegated to the “new age” genre. As such, some don’t feel the desire to try something that will “eventually go out of style”.

But what if mindfulness meditation were scientifically, and medically, shown to be healing and transformative? A few months ago I shared with you a study from Harvard which demonstrated that meditation generated new grey matter in the brain. Well, we now have the results of a study done at Carnegie Mellon University which “for the first time shows that, unlike a placebo, it [mindfulness meditation] can change the brains of ordinary people and potentially improve their health.” This is what the authors of the study wrote:

“These findings provide the first evidence that mindfulness meditation training functionally couples the DMN with a region known to be important in top-down executive control at rest (left dlPFC), which, in turn, is associated with improvements in a marker of inflammatory disease risk.” –Biological Psychiatry Journal

Click here for the link to the New York Times article summarizing the study

Click here for the link to the actual research article

Please share with us your thoughts on this topic, and if you practice meditation, do you find positive health results?

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