Posts Tagged ‘lifesjourney’
Steps On How To Gain Personal Power
Who doesn’t want to be in control? We spend a tremendous amount of effort and energy in controlling our lives and our environment, only to be “surprised” when our efforts fail. Even though we convince ourselves that we are in control of our life and environment, the reality is that we aren’t in control of either.
Much of our stress and anxiety is caused by our failure at controlling life. So, finding where we do have control in life reduces our stress and anxiety. We do have control over our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. How I think and feel about myself influences my view, or perception, of the world.
Learning to gain personal power starts with an understanding of power. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, power is defined as “the ability to act or produce an effect”. In other words, our power is in our action. Power is not an outside force acting upon us, power comes from within. If we want to have personal power, we need to believe in our ability to control our thoughts and feelings, then to take action.
Many of the clients who come to me for life coaching are not only seeking inner peace, but also personal power. We spend much of our sessions talking about empowerment. Empowerment is about self-sufficiency, the ability to act on our own. We have the power to take action for our good and the good of others, therefore, we are empowered through our actions. Empowerment challenges our assumptions about the way things are and how they can be. We can change the status quo.
Challenging our assumptions about our situation allows us the freedom make changes. The purpose of personal power, as I see it, is in taking the actions necessary to make changes in our life. When something negative happens to us, dwelling on the negative only serves to make us feel stuck and a victim. The reality is that we may not be able to change what happens to us, but we do have the power to change how we feel about the situation. Therefore we have the power to take action in coping with the situation.
How do we gain personal power? Take these steps:
- Spend at least 10-20 minutes daily in quiet (or at least with minimal distractions) so as to gain insight about yourself. We need to learn about our thoughts, feelings, and desires without judging them. Simply spend the time to get to know yourself.
- Practice daily changing those thoughts which lead you away from your happiness. Recognize how the changing of your thoughts change your emotions and your behaviors. Use the experience to believe in your power and ability to control your thoughts and emotions.
- When adversity happens, and you find yourself stressing over the situation, make two lists; one list for those things in the situation you have control over, and another list for those things in the situation you have no control over. Focus your actions and energy on changing those things you have control over, ignoring the other list. Ignoring what we can’t change and taking action where we can is empowering. Don’t focus on changing the situation, keep your focus on changing your thoughts and actions.
- Repeat steps 1 – 4.
A key to gaining personal power is in believing that we can’t change the situation, but we can always change our outlook, or our thoughts, on the situation. Trying to control what we cannot control causes anxiety as we don’t have the power to control what is outside of ourselves. Keeping perspective on how I feel and what I can do on the inside makes all of the difference. Keeping our perspective on what we can change and control empowers us to take action, therefore lessening anxiety as we experience the change.
Understanding the power we have within, and taking the actions needed to make changes in life, allows us to overcome the obstacles we face. When life’s obstacles happen we will no longer fear them for we believe in the power that we have to make changes within us which will change our perspective on self and the world around us. We have not only gained personal power, but as a result, we are now empowered to face ourselves and the world.
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}
The Five Mindfulness Trainings For A Peace Filled Life
A few years ago, while travelling through South Carolina, I was touring an old barn when I noticed, above me in the ceiling, a large bird was frantically trying to escape the barn. The bird continued to fly into the closed window in its frantic desire to escape the barn. Attempt after attempt, nothing changed for the bird. It flew towards the closed window, smashed into the window, and once again flew into the closed window. Presumably unbeknownst to this anxious bird, the barn doors, one on each end of the barn, were wide open! Had the frantic bird simply stopped a moment to observe its surroundings, it would have noticed a very easy escape into the freedom of the outside sky. Yet, the bird was so focused on the task in front of it that it failed to see any alternate options.
I mention this story as I recalled it a couple days ago while at my house. I happened upon a butterfly, who, in similar manner to the bird I described above, was frantically flying against a screen on my porch in an attempt to escape the enclosure. Also, similarly to the story above, immediately behind the butterfly was the open door. Yet, as in the story of the bird, the butterfly also did not pause to observe its surroundings. Instead, the butterfly continued flying into the screen (as a side note, I did help the butterfly to escape).
I empathize with both the bird and the butterfly for I too have found myself “banging my head” against that fictitious window or screen in an attempt to either change my life’s course or to escape some emotion which I was not willing to face. It has taken decades for me to begin to learn of the benefits of living in the moment and simply be.
In my writings and public speaking I talk often of mindfulness. This is a state of active, open attention on the present. Carefully observing your thoughts and feelings without judging them good or bad. Mindfulness means living in the moment, aware of your current experience, rather than dwelling on the past or anticipating the future. As I reflect on the bird and butterfly I realize that I am not much different from them in that I tend to allow my emotions and crisis moments to take control of my focus. Yet, in my focused awareness (mindfulness), I’m able to see solutions; to see hope.
My journey from a life of harried busyness and much stress, to a life of mindful reflection and life coaching, did not come easily. I began to slowly, over time, realize that banging my head on closed window or a screen was getting me nothing but a headache. It took strength to to stop myself long enough to desire to look around at my world. Once I stopped and looked around, I noticed options and solutions in my life.
The insightful and wise Vietnamese monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, in his book “The Art of Mindfulness”, reflects on what he calls the “Five Mindfulness Trainings”. These “trainings” are intended to guide us to be mindful of ourselves, our pain, and the world around us. Many of us, myself included, purposefully use electronic devices, reading materials, and sometimes even exercise, as a means of distracting ourselves from our reality. As with the bird and the butterfly, not stopping to notice our world does not give the freedom for which we seek.
Here are the “Five Mindfulness Trainings” from Thich Nhat Hanh:
- Compassion
- Generosity
- True love
- Deep listening
- Cultivating good health
When we do our best to accomplish these five trainings, we have set up our thoughts and actions to be mindful, in a state of active, open attention on the present. These trainings are not meant solely for others, that is, not that we only give to others our compassion, generosity, love, listening, and health; but that we give these to ourselves as well.
In mindful awareness we need to be compassionate with ourselves, generous to ourselves, loving oneself, listening to our mind and our body, and give ourselves good health. In taking care of ourselves in this way will we achieve a deep and true inner peace.
Aware of the plight of both the bird and the butterfly as told in the beginning of this article, I encourage all of us not to continually bang our heads in frustration, but in freedom, to learn to live mindfully.
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}
Taking Time For Me Is Important And Possible
Taking care of oneself is key to finding inner peace, yet most of us don’t take the time to care for ourselves. Why is this? Most of us would probably respond that we don’t have the time, or that we feel selfish if we were to do things for yourself. Many of us put others’ needs ahead of our own, which is noble, but who is caring for you? If you are the one caring for others, who is the one caring for you?
Why is self care so important? What if I were to tell you that the “answer” to finding happiness and inner peace is spending time daily in self-care? It’s true, and that’s why self care is so important. We all have valid demands for our time, but the reasons we use to not care for ourselves are also excuses.
If we are being brutally honest with ourselves we would admit that we make time for what is valuable to us. Honestly, many of us simply don’t value self-care as much as we say we do. I talk about the importance of attending the gym, but I don’t attend since I “dont have the time.” But, take today for example, I could have woke up a bit earlier, moved some appointments around, done some of what I did this morning last night instead, etc. The reality is, the gym, although I know it’s important, is not of value to me at this time.
I’m proposing that we get creative with our daily schedule so that we can fit in self care. How do we do this?
- Evaluate what is valuable to you.
- Review your daily schedule in light of step 1 above.
- Redo your daily schedule to “create” the time for yourself.
- Tell another person of your plan so that you have support and encouragement.
- Do this every day.
Now that self care is of value and we have found a space for it on our daily schedule, let’s talk concretely about what we can do with our new-found time. Many of my clients share that even if they had the time for self care, they wouldn’t know what to do with that time. Sound familiar?
Since we convince ourselves that we don’t have the time for self care, many of us don’t think about what we would do if we did have the time. As you consider what you can do for self care, think small. You don’t have to do something big as anything you do toward self care will work.
Here are some of the things that I do for self care:
- I take a 10 or 20 minute “power” nap most afternoons to recharge and to slow down.
- I read a few pages from a fiction or nonfiction book, or a spiritual publication to gain insight.
- I take a meditative and mindful walk whether I’m at home in the fields and woods, or travelling in a major city.
- I make the time to meditate. If I don’t have the ability to sit in quiet, I will use the moments I do have, such while driving or walking.
- Finding hobbies which I enjoy and that stimulate me, and which have nothing to do with my everyday profession (the later statement is most important).
I know of many people, myself included, who follow these steps but then feel guilty for taking the time for themselves. We need to re-frame that guilt feeling and change our perspective on the importance of self care. When you truly value the importance of self care, the feeling of guilt will go away. Since you now believe in the necessity of self care, there is no reason for guilt. I learned the importance and the value of self care on a flight out west.
Prior to take off, the flight attendants give their safety briefing; how to fasten the seat belt, how the seat transforms into a flotation device suitable for the ocean, and what to do if you lose cabin pressure. I, like most frequent travellers, tune out the briefing. But, on this flight, for no particular reason, the instructions on using the face mask was significant to me. The flight attendant stated something to the effect that if you are travelling with small children, first secure your mask before assisting your child. No way!! How am I supposed to be ok with giving myself life saving oxygen while my child struggles to breathe? Not happening!
But then I had an aha moment. If the masks drop from the ceiling most of the passengers, especially the children, will be upset. It may be a struggle to secure their mask in the frenzy of the moment, and the odds of getting it right the first time is slim as I’m sure I too would be scared and anxious. In the time that it takes to struggle with the child’s mask, what if I pass out? If I pass out prior to securing their mask, then we both are in trouble! I’m no assistance to my child. But, if I secure my mask first it won’t matter how long it takes to help my child since I’m now capable of breathing.
This safety briefing changed my perception on the importance of self care. If I am not capable of providing help, then no one gets help. Taking care of myself allows me the strength and insight to not only learn more deeply about myself, but also the ability to help others.
Self care is necessary, and the key, to finding my inner peace. The more I learn about myself the more capable I am of coming to terms with myself. This union of self is the inner peace we seek.
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}
Life Coaching – Why Do I Need It?
Do you find yourself feeling anxious or stressed? Maybe life isn’t the way you expected and you aren’t sure how best to cope. Do you find yourself needing goals and a path toward the future? I know I have answered yes to these questions at different times in my life. Who hasn’t? These are typical life issues many of us struggle with daily.
Through my own life experiences I have found that there is always hope, and always an answer to our worries and concerns. The answers may not be what we want to hear, or we may not know how to find them, but they do exist. In our struggle with life issues we tend to either keep them to ourselves for fear of embarrassment or ridicule; or we turn to trusted friends who most likely also struggle with similar life issues. Few of us turn to professional help. Why?
Until recently, the only professional help available to us was to see a mental health counselor. There is nothing at all wrong with this option! But, the prospect of seeing a counselor can be intimidating, expensive, and mis-understood. Unfortunately,, mental health continues to be stigmatized. I wish it weren’t the case, but those who suffer from mental illness are viewed “differently” from those suffering from a medical condition (I hope that changes soon). What are we to do when we are in need of guidance but don’t see any options or hope?
There is an option other than seeing a mental health counselor; visit a life coach. Life coaching is a practice that involves guiding people to identify and realize their goals, dreams, and aspirations while breaking through the barriers. By becoming self-aware we are free to develop our talents and potential. Not everyone who is struggling in life suffers from a mental illness. A life coach is someone who guides you through life’s struggle. Unlike a counselor, a life coach doesn’t diagnose an illness. A life coach is active in the sessions and can even follow up with you through text, quick calls or emails.
As a counselor myself, I am in no way disparaging the counseling profession, rather, I am offering an alternative. Many of my clients see me for life coaching rather than counseling because of the stigma of mental illness, or they don’t believe they have a mental illness. Many of us who struggle with life’s difficulties don’t rise to the level of a mental health diagnosis and illness. For example, if I cut myself while chopping food for dinner, I will place a bandage over the cut until it heals. But, if the cut is deep and the bandage is not helping, I will go the hospital or a doctor. In this analogy, the bandage is the life coach, while the hospital is the mental health counselor. If I feel sad over a recent loss and not sure how to cope, I would call a life coach. If I feel sad but can’t get out of bed or go to work, and the sadness has lingered for months, I would call a mental health counselor.
Life coaching is a process which guides us to formulate goals, cope with life’s stressors, and teach us the skills needed to live a healthy life. Life coaching is not that different from the role of a sports coach. The sports coach’s role is to make me better at what I already do. They teach me techniques I may not be aware of, and encourage and push me in ways I myself couldn’t. In the end, the sports coach makes me better at what I already knew how to do. The same holds true for life coaching. The life coach guides us to be better at what we already know how to do, namely, to live my life. Those areas of life which may need improvement are improved, and those areas of life which need encouragement we are encouraged to perform better.
Athletes at all levels of play use a sport coach for guidance. No matter how long a player has been playing their sport, regardless of their ability and fame, they still listen to the guidance of a coach. There is no shame in seeking out a life coach no matter your age or previous ability to cope with life. Living in the present moment, if you need guidance, seek a life coach.
When life knocks us down or confuses us, there is no reason to struggle alone. Seek out a life coach who will guide you, provide encouragement and hope, giving you the tools needed to live the best life possible.
If you’re ready to explore life coaching, I would be honored to help. You can read more about my practice or call me directly at 301-850-2177.
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}
How I Became Self-confident And Happy
The other day I was asked “Have you always been this self-confident? Do you ever doubt yourself?” I was somewhat taken aback by these questions as I don’t typically think of myself as confident. My current life activities consists of family, life coaching, counseling, writing, teaching at a university and college, hosting a podcast, giving lectures, and speaking at conferences. I keep myself active, but I enjoy all that I do. Is my enjoyment the self-confidence people see in me?
Self-confidence is defined as a feeling of trust in one’s abilities and talents, yet this definition presupposes that I have an awareness of my abilities and talents. I feel this is the reason why many people lack self-confidence; they don’t recognize their own abilities and therefore wrongly assume that they are unable, or incapable, of performing a task. Actually, I just described myself.
While growing up I was extremely shy and unaware if my abilities and talents. This lack of self-awareness, coupled with my avoidance of others, reinforced in me a belief that I wasn’t capable of much in the way of outward achievement. As a child, and even through my early adulthood, I enjoyed the solitary pursuits of reading, studying and writing. Sure, I had friends with whom I enjoyed doing things, but my friends were few and not among what was known as the ”in crowd”. For me and my insecurities and shyness, they were “safe”.
A lack of self-confidence is typically coupled with a person’s self-esteem, or sense of self-worth. In my experience, though, that assumption wasn’t true. Although I lacked insight into my gifts and talents, I did feel positive about myself. I enjoyed my hobbies and the people I chose to be close to; life was good. My sense of self-worth was high, while at the same time my self-confidence was low.
How can this be? In my early life it meant that I did well in school, but if I were given a task of importance to complete, or asked to give a speech, my mind would immediately jump to the thought “Me?! I don’t have the skill to do this? There have to be people better at this than me!” At the time I failed to realize that I was asked because someone else saw the talent and ability in me. I failed to take into account the perspective of the asker because I failed to recognize my own giftedness. If I couldn’t see it in myself, I was never going to accept that someone else saw what I myself could not.
So, what changed in me, given my history of lack of self-confidence and shyness, that now I am able to speak to large crowds, teach university classes, and train groups of peers? There’s no one event or “aha moment” which made all the difference. For me, it was a progressive shift, through meditation, where I became more self-aware of my giftedness as well as my weaknesses. It is in accepting both aspects of myself that I feel have been the most transformative.
Here are some reflections I have learned in my adult years which have impacted my ability to be self-confident:
- I’m not responsible for other’s happiness. I am responsible for my feelings and my actions toward others. This helps my self-confidence in that I don’t seek nor need the approval of others to know that I am good at what I do. The constructive opinions of family and close friends I respect, but needing to be liked by everyone is no longer a goal of mine.
- Not knowing is ok. Early in my career I stifled myself in that I felt that if I didn’t know everything there was to know in my field, than I was a fraud. I now recognize how wrong I was, but it was in me eventually realizing that even the “experts” in my field didn’t know everything for me to gain confidence in my own knowledge and experience of my field. What I don’t know, I will learn from others and so continue to grow.
- I became empowered in my self-confidence every time I stepped out of my comfort zone only to realize that I did well. The more times I gave something a try and ended with positive results, the more I became confident in my abilities. Yes, those times when it didn’t go well seemed to set me back more than the positive times moved me forward; but regardless, I kept on keeping on. I’m not perfect when it comes to public speaking or teaching, etc, but I do my best, and more times than not there is positive feedback from the audience. Had I not moved out of my comfort zone, my self-confidence would still be quite low.
- As I mentioned above, self-confidence is not to be equated with always being right or knowing everything. Self-confidence grows from an understanding of who you are, the positives and negatives. We all have growth opportunities, so don’t let the fact that you are not “perfect” stop you from feeling self-confident. Feel self-confident knowing that you are both talented and flawed; perfect in some aspects yet need to grow in others.
- Take time for yourself. Self-care is vitally important to physical and mental health. Spending time nurturing yourself and meditating provides you the opportunity to know yourself better. In this self-knowledge you will find your confidence and your growth opportunities. Work on both!
In my continuing journey of self-confidence, I realize that I don’t need to be perfect in all knowledge or skill, but I do need to be self-reflective with a willingness to grow. Take the time to learn about yourself, then step out of your comfort zone and give it try! If it works well, wonderful, do it again! If it doesn’t work well, wonderful, learn from it then do it again!
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}
Kids Teach Us How to Find Peace
Have you ever thought to yourself: “I’m on a round object which is spinning and flying through space.” A few evenings ago as I was sitting outside reflecting on life, I noticed the movement of the stars and constellations over the hours I was outside. Then a thought hit me; we’re moving! I was sitting in the same spot in my yard, and I know that stars don’t move, yet they seemingly were moving. The constellations weren’t in the same spot they were when I first sat down as they were a few hours later. Of course I know, intellectually, that the stars aren’t moving, although I have never reflected on the implication that if the stars aren’t moving, yet they seem to be moving, then it must be me who is moving, even though I am sitting in the same spot! “I’m on a round object which is spinning and flying through space.”
According to my research, the earth is spinning, at the equator, at a speed of roughly 1,000mph! While at the same time that we are spinning, we are moving forward at an estimated speed of 67,000mph! At all times, no matter what we are doing (like reading this article), the ground below us is spinning and moving forward at a rapid speed. We are on a giant ball which is spinning and moving through space! When was the last time you thought about that?
As I was contemplating the fact that I am riding upon a giant moving ball, my mind wandered to the tea cups amusement ride. As a kid I used to love that ride! As the cups moved along the track you could independently spin your cup as fast as you wanted. Now, as an adult, spinning in that way is not so much fun for me. Not that the ride scares me, but in that my body no longer handles the fast spinning motion. As I’m contemplating the celestial bodies and the movement of the earth, I realized that like an amusement ride, our ride through life is quite similar.
A child at an amusement park tends to enjoy most of the rides, and the scarier the ride the better; the more the ride made your stomach turn the better; the faster the better. As we age, those experiences no longer excite us as we tend to avoid those areas in life which seem to be scary, stomach-turning, and too fast. Rather, as adults we tend to look for experiences which are predictable, safe, and slow (I’m not talking about pace, I’m talking about challenges). What happens to us as we age which causes this change in attitude?
Let’s take a moment to think about some of the endearing qualities we find in children. Generally, they tend to be:
- Curious
- Adventurous
- Risk-takers
- Live in the moment
- Play
- Nap
- Creative
- Ask questions when they don’t know
Now, take a moment to recall that you once had these qualities. Some of us in adulthood still have these qualities, but generally speaking, we lost many of these qualities as we aged. As I reflect on myself, I realize that I lost these qualities as I came to understand that adult society, in general, frowned upon these child-like qualities. Like it or not, if I wanted to be accepted as an adult, I had to “act” like an adult. Or, at least, in the way society presented adulthood.
Children are usually happy and free because they don’t yet understand societal conventions, so they live their life in the present moment. I am not implying that we need to give up societal conventions and so do whatever we want as that could lead to chaos (or to a peaceful planet. Hmmm). What I am suggesting is that we remember what made us happy and peaceful as a child, and now as an adult find a way to bring back that feeling.
Let’s reflect on the list above from the eyes of an adult:
- Curious: Take the time to slow down to notice the world around you. Look at your world from a new perspective, similar to my reflection that we are living on a spinning moving ball. What does your curiosity say about you? What can you learn from your curiosity?
- Adventurous: When was the last time you took a risk? What stops you from taking a risk? I’m not advising you do anything dangerous, but try something outside of your comfort zone, or something completely different from what you typically would do. Afterward, reflect on what you learned from the experience.
- Risk-takers: Similar to my caveat above, I am not suggesting you try anything dangerous or damaging, but when was the last time you acted without thinking it through or planning the action? What about spontaneously taking a day trip or surprising someone with a visit.
- Live in the moment: Honestly, it is my experience with children wherein I learned about the peace you feel when living in the moment. I spent a several years as a chaplain at a children’s hospital, and regardless of the outcome from the child’s condition, they chose to live in the moment instead of dwelling on the future. Children who were dying, and knew what that meant, would say to me that dying will happen later and invite me to play with them. It was myself and the family of the child who dwelt on future thoughts of losing the child, all the while missing the opportunity in the present to enjoy time with the child.
- Play: What is the purpose of play time? To have fun, relax, be creative, learn skills, socialize, etc. Find opportunities which will result in those qualities being realized.
- Nap: Mexico, Costa Rica, Ecuador, Spain, Italy, Greece, the Philippines and Nigeria all take siestas, or naps in the afternoon. Maybe we need to find their wisdom and do like-wise. If you aren’t able to take a nap, can you find 10 minutes to close your eyes, or 10 minutes to walk around your office, building, etc. Just 10 minutes away from the stress and busyness of the day will refresh you mentally and emotionally.
- Creative: In his TED talk, Sir Ken Robinson shared a story about a young child who was coloring. The teacher asked the child what she was drawing, and the child replied “a picture of God.” The teacher said “but no one knows what God looks like.” The child replied “they will in a minute.”
- Ask questions when they don’t know: Many years ago, when starting my first teaching experience in a high school, I was given this advice: ‘if you don’t know the answer to one of their questions, make it up. They won’t know the difference and you won’t look stupid.’ Even as a novice teacher in my early twenties I understood how wrong that piece of advice was. How is it that when we reach adulthood we are expected to suddenly know the answer to all questions about everything? Yet, in the workplace, how often have many of us made up an answer so as not to look stupid among our colleagues? I have. But doing so tends to cause us stress, yet a child who asks when they don’t know doesn’t feel stress because they are being honest in their not knowing.
I challenge you to join me tonight watching the stars. As you do, reflect upon your ride of life and on the ride on our ball through space. Do we fear the ride or avoid it? Are we willing to raise up our hands and scream or grab the person next to us? Can we simply let ourselves enjoy the ride?
Ed note: This article was originally published by me at Your Tango. Reprinted with my permission.
{loadmodule mod_custom,continue the conversation here or on social media}
Rest Stop (Fri) … freedom & hope is possible: here’s how
I’m writing this article while sitting at home on the 4th of July. Unfortunately, this summer holiday is being rained out in my part of the world. The cool temps, clouds, and rain make today feel more like autumn than mid-summer. So, while sitting here, I am thinking about freedom and how freedom applies to my life and not just a country. Do I have freedom? Am I truly free? Yes, we all have the potential to be free! Let’s find out how.
Have you ever thought of how minuscule our place is in the universe? I do. Try it now for a moment. In reference to the vastness of the millions of galaxies, and the large size of our planet, focusing now on my exact location, where do I really fit in? Am I just a cog in the gears of the universe, or do I have freedom?
A few weeks ago I attended a symposium focused on the current heroin epidemic in the US. The conference room was filled with professionals from multiple agencies, each focused on finding solutions to stop people from dying from opioids. As an addiction counselor myself I have worked with many people in their attempt to find freedom from their addictions. A person’s circumstances, life choices, views on life, and ability to obtain drugs all play a role in a person’s addiction. No one whom I’ve ever met aspires to becoming an addict, yet there are too many people who have lost their freedom to a drug. The ability for a person to move beyond one’s addiction into the freedom of recovery is, in my opinion, based on one important understanding; my ability to choose my attitude about myself and my life. Freedom is lost when we lose our perspective on life and allow others’ perspectives about us to take root and grow in our thoughts.
Not long ago, while I was out on a walk along the side of a road, I noticed a caterpillar also out on a walk along the same road. While watching the caterpillar I couldn’t help to think that his perspective on the world and where he fits in this vast universe is so much different from mine. Even though we both were only a mile or so from my house, would the caterpillar ever know that the world extends that far? I’m certain that he is oblivious to the actual size of our planet as his perspective, like our own, limits his world. There was a time when we humans didn’t even realize the vast size of our planet. How alike are we to the caterpillar?
As I further reflect on my caterpillar friend, I would like to think that his life’s perspective is simpler than mine. More than likely he stays focused on the present moment, hopeful and trusting that his instincts will properly guide him to safety and food. His sense of the present, without fear for the future, enables him to be free. When was the last time I was able to consciously focus on the present moment long enough to trust my instincts to guide me? There’s a lot I (we) can learn from this caterpillar.
Fr. Anthony de Mello, SJ, tells a story which I feel is appropriate to my reflections on the caterpillar:
“What would I do then?”
“Then you could really enjoy life.”
“What do you think I am doing right now?’”
Freedom comes from our perspective on life. As with the person struggling from addiction, when I allow my worldview to be dictated by another, I am no longer free. But like this story of the fisherman, and my caterpillar friend, focused perspective on the present moment combined with an understanding of where I fit in the scope of the universe, allows me to live in freedom; a freedom which comes from within, not a freedom dependant from society, culture, or other people.
One of my favorite H. G. Wells’ book is entitled “When the Sleeper Wakes” written in 1898. The premise of Wells’ story is a variation on the Rip Van-Winkle tale of a person falling asleep for a long time, eventually awakening to a world very different from the one he left when he fell asleep. In Wells’ telling, this futuristic world, on the outside, appears to be a utopia. Yet, as the main character learns more about how this new world is organized he realizes that the working class, through their mundane and tedious work, sustains the “utopian” society. In this world there is no chance or even availability for upward advancement.
I believe that true inner freedom fosters a sense of hope and imagination. Who among us does not have dreams for their life’s journey? Wells, in this story, portrays a world devoid of personal hopes or dreams. By removing a person’s ability to advance, what is the point of either hopes or dreams? Dreams give us hope since we know that dreams have, and do, come true. My faith and life experiences allow me to hope and dream as my ability to hope comes from an inner freedom born of a perspective focused on the moment infused with the understanding of my purpose in the universe. I don’t hope and dream because it’s something I’m supposed to do; rather, I hope and dream because I can. Freedom is in knowing and accepting where I am in the grand scheme of things; choosing my attitude about it, at any given moment, is my freedom.
As I continued my walk, leaving my caterpillar friend to his journey, I wondered how I could find my inner freedom. Here are my thoughts:
- How can I change my perspective to realize that even though there is always more to the world out there of which I am not yet aware, the world I do know is filled with potential, adventures and new friends, if only I take the time to notice them.
- What can I do different so that I can experience a life full of hope and dreams toward which I can strive?
- What am I allowing to stand in the road blocking me from inner peace?
… continue the conversation here or on social media …
{loadposition blogsocial}
Rest Stop (Tues) … Tips for sleeping soundly
Based on my experience, there are two main reasons we have trouble sleeping: either because you are excited about something upcoming, or you are anxious about something upcoming. I can still vividly remember that night before we as a family were leaving for Washington, DC for the first time. I was a child then, and the thought of travelling all the way to where the president lives was almost overwhelming for me. I tossed and turned in bed; walked around my room, looked out my window into the dark, and before I knew it, I looked out my window to see the sun rising above the horizon. I finally fell asleep in the car during the over 8 hour drive to DC.
Personally, I suffered for many years on Sunday nights trying to get some sleep. I dreaded Sunday nights because as soon as I would lie down in bed for the night the worries and stress of the upcoming week flooded into my thoughts. I had not yet found the peace of living mindfully, and so I allowed the thoughts of the future to take over, believing the worst of what could happen come Monday morning at work. Note that I wasn’t worried about what was going to happen, but what I imagined would happen. These thoughts brought with them a sense of a loss of control as they are future thoughts, not present thoughts. Therefore, I would be tossing and turning, worrying about what had to be done, what I didn’t do, what I forgot to do; but most importantly, what I didn’t know I didn’t know.
In the last few years, as I’ve been working on living mindfully and in the present, I have learned some things which have helped me to no longer dread Sunday nights. I don’t have a nighttime ritual so to speak, but I have figured out a few things that have helped me to sleep peacefully, especially Sunday night.
Here are the tips I use:
- Prior to going to bed, make a list of the projects and tasks you need to do the next day. Make sure the list is no longer than 4 items and that each item is doable in the course of the day.
-
Make a separate list of the things you will not have time to do the next day. Next to each item place a date when you will work on them.
-
Write down a specific time during the next day when you will spend at least 10 minutes in quiet reflection/meditation. It could be a time for a walk or sitting in quiet. The time needs to be undisturbed and respected by you as important and necessary.
-
When you do lay down to sleep, keep your room quiet and as dark as possible. Using white noise (there are many free and paid apps, message me for the ones I use) is helpful. Keeping the TV on or your phone’s screen on inhibit our ability to sleep soundly.
-
Lay down in a comfortable position, take a deep breath, clear your mind, and focus on your breathing. Don’t try to control your breathing, just focus on your breathing. Note the breaths you take in, and the breaths you exhale.
-
If intrusive thoughts enter your mind, remind yourself of your lists, telling yourself that you have taken care of tomorrow and that your present task is to sleep.
-
Return your thoughts to focus on your breathing.
-
Personally, when I lay in bed to sleep for the night, I start off by laying on my back with my left hand placed gently over my heart, and my right hand placed gently over my stomach, feeling my breaths and heartbeats.
These tips work for me. Take time to find what works for you, and when you find it, stick with it. Over time, with consistency, you will find yourself sleeping quickly and soundly.
… continue the conversation here or on social media …
{loadposition blogsocial}
Rest Stop (Sat) Lessons from the twigs
Recently, a storm came through my area bringing with it gusty winds and heavy rain. Where I live storms are commonplace especially in the spring. That period immediately following a rainstorm is one of my favorite times to go outside. If you have never experienced nature immediately following a rainstorm I strongly suggest you give it a try. Personally, the air seems clearer and fresher, and there is a distinct smell of cleanliness permeating the air. It’s nature’s way of cleansing the Earth. When you do venture outside you will most probably notice debris on the ground consisting of dead twigs, branches and anything else that has fallen from the trees. Cleaning up after a strong storm is not typically a favorite pastime of mine, but recently when I was mowing the yard I noticed this pile of dead twigs which had fallen over the course of many storms. I took this picture as the positioning of the twigs gave me pause and a moment of reflection.
I wasn’t planning to reflect upon fallen tree limbs and twigs, but after noticing those branches and taking the picture I couldn’t help but to reflect on them as I continued to mow the lawn. The first thought that came to mind is that of the circle of life. I reflected on the purpose of those twigs and how those twigs perfectly performed the function they were meant to perform. These twigs grew as the result of the tree, gaining sustenance from both the tree and the land around it. These twigs not only took from the tree and land, they also contributed to the further growth of the tree by sprouting their leaves. Those leaves provided sustenance to the tree, shade for those who needed it, and precious air that we all need to live. But now those very twigs lay dead on the ground taken from the tree by wind and rain.
As I further reflected on the twigs I realized that even though they are now lying on the ground it wasn’t necessarily a sad moment, even though the twigs no longer brought light or shade or air. Nature not only washes herself clean, she is also a great recycler. Those twigs, although dead and lying on the ground, continue to bring forth life from the land. Those twigs will be food for some creatures while other creatures will break down those twigs into nutrients needed by the soil for new life to spring forth.
So, what have I learned from my reflection on the twigs?
- Periodically clean the clutter (the dead twigs) from your life. Discover in yourself those thoughts, actions, perceptions, etc. which do not bring you life but instead wear you down. Shake them free from you! Get rid of anything in your life which is not life-giving or supportive of your needs of happiness, growth and peace.
- Take the time to recognize your need to slow down and become mindful of your surroundings. Change your perspective to realize the good in a situation. I could’ve either not noticed the twigs, or become upset that I now had more work to do by needing to remove the twigs. Instead, I fortunately chose to pause and simply notice the twigs. In that act of noticing without judgement, I ended up learning from those twigs.
- Recognize that no matter your situation, you do have a purpose! Even though dead and plucked from great heights to now lay on the ground, those twigs continue to serve a purpose. Granted, the purpose has changed, and most likely not the purpose wanted by those twigs, but an essential purpose nonetheless. Discover and embrace your purpose in life!
… continue the conversation here or on social media …
{loadposition blogsocial}
Rest Stop (Wed) … podcast listeners take note
Many readers of this blog access the content through sources other than the Lifesjourney website, so I thought I would point out to my readers that I also record a podcast called “On Finding Peace”.
“Life is sometimes difficult, but even so, it is always possible to find inner-peace. I talk about topics of daily life which cause us stress and anxiety, guiding us on how to change our perspective and to learn how to live in the moment.” -Chris Shea, host of “On Finding Peace”
I am open to topic suggestions, share your suggestions through comments made on this post, or Lifesjourney’s social media. The podcasts are typically 15 minutes in length; long enough to make a point, but short enough to listen in one sitting. Here are the places to find my episodes: 
… continue the conversation here or on social media …
Ms. Amanda LePore
The voice of “Lifesjourney” & of “On Finding Peace” is Ms. Amanda LePore. Check out her work by clicking her photo