Posts Tagged ‘social connectedness’
Why Shrinking Your World Might Be the Path to Inner Peace
There’s a question I’ve been sitting with lately, both in my meditation practice and in conversations with clients: Why do so many of us feel perpetually anxious, even when our immediate lives are relatively stable? I’ve come to believe the answer lies not in what we’re lacking, but in what we’re carrying—an endless stream of information about a world we cannot possibly influence. So I thought about how shrinking your world might be the solution.
The Burden of Knowing Everything
We live in an age of radical transparency. Within seconds of waking, most of us can access detailed accounts of natural disasters on the other side of the planet, political upheaval in countries we’ve never visited, and economic indicators that may or may not affect our daily lives. Social media algorithms feed us a steady diet of outrage and urgency, each notification demanding our attention and emotional response.
Here’s the thing that’s challenging to admit: knowing about every crisis, every injustice, every potential threat doesn’t make us better citizens or more compassionate people. It makes us exhausted. Our nervous systems weren’t designed to process the suffering of eight billion people simultaneously. When we try, we end up in a state of chronic low-grade panic—alert but helpless, informed but paralyzed.
When journalist Johann Hari explored the causes of anxiety and depression, he found that disconnection—from community, purpose, and shared humanity—was one of the central culprits (Hari, Lost Connections, 2018). We’ve become so globally aware that we’ve lost local grounding. We know too much about distant suffering and too little about the people across our street.
What Our Brains Actually Need
From an evolutionary perspective, our anxiety responses developed to handle immediate, tangible threats. A predator in the brush. A storm on the horizon. A sick child in the next room. These were problems we could see, assess, and often do something about. The fight-or-flight response had a clear purpose and a natural resolution.
Today, that same physiological system gets triggered by headlines about events thousands of miles away. Our bodies flood with cortisol and adrenaline, preparing us to act—but there’s nowhere for that energy to go. We cannot fight a wildfire in Australia. We cannot flee from legislative decisions made in distant capitals. So we sit with the chemical residue of unused alarm, day after day, until anxiety becomes our baseline state.
Choosing Presence Over Awareness
I want to be clear about something important: I’m not suggesting ignorance or apathy. What I’m proposing is intentional engagement. There’s a profound difference between being aware of the world’s challenges and being emotionally entangled in all of them simultaneously.
Research suggests that mindfulness practices can lower anxiety and promote well-being, especially when paired with community support (Kabat-Zinn, 2003). The science confirms what many traditions have long taught—that peace isn’t passive; it’s an active, daily practice of attention.
Inner peace, in my experience, comes from recognizing the boundaries of our actual sphere of influence—and then living fully within those boundaries rather than lamenting what lies beyond them. This isn’t selfishness. It’s wisdom. It’s the recognition that our capacity for meaningful action is finite, and that spreading ourselves thin across every cause ultimately serves no one well.
The Practice of Shrinking Your World
So what does this look like in practice? It starts with a gentle but firm curation of where we direct our attention. Consider limiting news consumption to specific times rather than allowing it to intrude throughout the day. Maybe that’s twenty minutes in the morning with your coffee, or a brief check-in after dinner. The world will continue spinning whether you’re monitoring it constantly or not.
More importantly, redirect that freed attention toward what’s right in front of you. Your family. Your neighbors. The elderly gentleman down the street who might appreciate someone checking in on him. The local food pantry that desperately needs volunteers. The community garden that could use your help on Saturday mornings.
These aren’t small things. They’re the actual fabric of human connection and meaning. When you help your neighbor carry groceries, you’ve done something real. When you listen to your teenager talk about their day without glancing at your phone, you’ve strengthened a relationship. When you show up for a friend who’s struggling, you’ve made a tangible difference in someone’s life.
Finding Peace in the Local and Tangible
There’s a particular kind of peace that emerges when we ground ourselves in the immediate and the actionable. It’s not the absence of awareness about broader troubles—it’s the presence of purpose in addressing what we can actually touch.
I think of a client who spent years doom-scrolling through political news, her anxiety mounting with each headline. She felt guilty about not being more involved, yet paralyzed by the scale of everything wrong in the world. Together, we worked on shifting her focus. She started volunteering at a local literacy program, teaching adults to read. Her anxiety didn’t disappear overnight, but something shifted. She could see the impact of her efforts. She built relationships. Likewise, she slept better.
The Ripple Effect of Local Action
Here’s what’s fascinating about shrinking your world: the effects often ripple outward in unexpected ways. When we’re grounded and present, we become better equipped to handle whatever comes our way. We model calm for our children. We bring steadier energy to our workplaces. Not only that, but we notice opportunities to help that we might have missed while absorbed in digital distress.
A peaceful person is a more effective person. Not because they care less, but because they’ve learned to care more strategically—with intention rather than compulsion.
An Invitation to Begin
If this resonates with you, I’d invite you to experiment with this approach. Start small. Choose one day this week to stay offline entirely, or at least limit your engagement with news and social media. Notice what happens in the space that opens up. Maybe you find yourself actually talking to your partner at dinner. Perhaps you take a walk and really see the trees, the sky, the faces of people passing by.
Inner peace isn’t found by solving the world’s problems. It’s found by showing up fully for the life that’s actually yours to live. Your community needs you—not your anxious scrolling, but your presence, your skills, your genuine care. Your family deserves more than the distracted remnants of your attention after you’ve exhausted yourself worrying about things beyond your control.
Shrink your world. Not to hide from reality, but to finally inhabit it.
- Hari, J. (2018). Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions. Bloomsbury Publishing.
- Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-Based Interventions in Context: Past, Present, and Future. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144–156.
Social Connectedness And Addiction: The Unparalleled Key To Success
Social connectedness is what I feel is the key to a life of recovery from addiction. Social connectedness is that which holds us, as a society, together in support of each other. We function as a group of individuals in our ability to sense and believe in social connectedness. But what happens when I lose that sense of connectedness? What happens when society chooses not to allow some people to regain their connectedness?
Social connectedness is an issue I’ve seen during the past 20 years I’ve witnessed the disease of addiction manifest itself in many people, thousands probably.The textbooks and courses I studied were beneficial in theory. Those with whom I counseled taught me everything about what addiction means to them. They taught me why they’re addicted, what makes it so challenging to live a life of recovery, and why is it so difficult to stop doing what they’re doing.
Willpower Alone
As I begin this reflection on my understanding of addiction, let’s start with a pet peeve of mine. Through the years many people have questioned me “why don’t they just stop?” Let’s think through this question for a moment. Of the thousands of people that I’ve dealt with who suffer from this disease of addiction no one, I mean no one, ever said to me that their life goal was to be addicted. No one ever told me that they loved the life that they were leading while in active addiction.
Everyone at one point or another during treatment would reveal to me that they do want to stop and that they’ve tried multiple times to stop. But something was blocking them from stopping. If this were just willpower alone, don’t you think that at some point someone thought to themself, “maybe I should just stop.”
Disease of Addiction
Regardless of your personal view about addiction, it has been classified as a medical disease. In 1957 the American Medical Association classifies addiction as a disease “not unlike any other medical disease.” For some reason that classification didn’t take hold in our society or even the totality of the professionals. But again, just because a person believes that addiction is a willpower issue doesn’t make them correct. For me, I’m following the AMA, whose definition and classification has remained unchanged for over 60 years!
Not only has the definition stood the test of time, but the definition of 1957 has also been reaffirmed by modern science. There’s a high number of research within the last couple of decades explaining the chemical changes in the body and the chemical changes in the brain happening to those suffering from this disease. Since there are body changes and adaptations as a direct result of a person’s addiction, then the addiction is a medical, body disease not unlike any other medical body disease. Conditions causing bodily adaptations and neurologic changes are hardly a force of willpower.
Coming from the unfortunate view of willpower, complicated by the illegality of some actions, society tends to treat those with addiction as “less than.” Society stigmatizes the person, their actions, they’re attempts at recovery. We end up treating people suffering from a medical disease by penalizing them, throwing them into the judicial system, and kicking them out of treatment programs for failures and relapses.
But recall, we are doing this to people suffering from a disease not unlike any other medical disease! (AMA, 1957)
Heart Disease Analogy
Allow me a moment to use an analogy between the treatment of a person suffering from a medical disease, heart disease, and another person suffering from a medical disease, substance addiction.
When a person suffers a heart attack, they are rushed to the ER for immediate care, as they should be. Once stabilized, the doctor provides the patient with a treatment plan of life changes: take your medicine, change your diet, exercise, avoid stress. The patient is informed that if they choose not to follow these directions, they may have another heart attack (a relapse).
But unfortunately, it’s not easy to make a lifestyle change, and they start to falter a bit, eventually not doing what the doctor advised. Their choice to stop doing what they were told leads to another heart attack and another trip to the ER. The process is repeated time and time with no stigma placed on the person, and very little blame placed upon for the multiple relapses. As a society, we give them a pass since they have a disease, and making a lifestyle change isn’t easy.
Yet, a person who overdoses on narcotics is rushed to the hospital, treated, and recovers are told before discharge that to avoid another overdose, they need to make some lifestyle changes: stop using drugs, see a counselor, go to support meetings. They are advised that if they don’t, they risk another overdose. These instructions are not that different from the heart attack victim. And both patients are told that their choice to follow or not follow the directives of the doctor will affect their outcome.
Yet, if the person overdoses again, they will be stigmatized, lectured, and over time, banned from treatment facilities for “non-compliance.” Both patients were admitted to an ER, both were medically treated, both were given treatment plans for lifestyle change, and both informed that failure to make those life changes could result in a relapse. What’s the difference!?
Connectedness
A reason people tend to use drugs or alcohol in an addictive manner is that they don’t feel connected to society, family, or to others. Therefore, we as professionals and a society need to guide them back into a feeling of connectedness in a healthy way.
We need to reconnect them to society, with family, friends, and support groups. Yet what we as a society tend to do is continue the disconnection. We place them outside of society through stigmatization, incarceration, refusing them treatment, making it difficult to obtain employment while in active recovery. As such, that lack of connectedness is reinforced, and supportive recovery stunted.
Those who, in active addiction, are picked up by law enforcement on certain drug charges will now have a felony record. When released from jail and attempting to make a change in life, they find out quickly that most employers won’t hire a person with a felony charge. So much for the attempt at being a productive member of society. Once again, the person, now in recovery, is stigmatized and disconnected from society. Recall that both of these factors are contributors to relapse.
I don’t have all the answers, but what I know is that what we’re currently doing to help people with addiction is not working. Social connectedness is needed as the key to bringing about a healthy, productive recovery. This requires a societal change. Are we willing to make this change?
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